The front door opened and she entered the blackened apartment. Switching on the lights, she removed her heels and set them in the stand at the corner of the patio. 

“Kevin, I’m home!”, she called out; regretting immediately. There would not be any reply.

She slid across the living room and put down her purse, laptop bag on the table in front of the sofa. Leisurely, she went to the kitchen and set the groceries on the countertop. Washing her hands in the sink, she took a glass of cold water. 

Cathy sifted through the store bag. Onions, potatoes, tomatoes, parsley, spinach, uncooked spaghetti……the list went on and on. The majority of the things in the bag were the ones Kevin favoured. It had become a habit at this point to choose the items he liked. 

She stored the purchases in their respective cupboards. Carrying her purse and laptop bag to their bedroom, she dumped them on the bed.

“Hmmm……….”, she sighed as her back hit the soft material of the bed.

It had been an extensive day. They were stretched thin due to two of the part-timers leaving their jobs at the same time. The manager was working a 16 hour shift, along with Cathy herself and another long-time employee. 

Her eyes fell upon the frame on the nightstand. It showed a young couple in a garden. They both faced the camera and the guy had his arms around the girl’s waist. 

They wore similar toothy smiles. Smiles that reached to their ears, crinkling the corners of their eyes, making their faces glow in unmasked joy.

She took the framed photograph in her hands. It had been the day right after their engagement.

Kevin had proposed on her 21st birthday. They had clicked pictures in all different kinds of places………garden, rooftop, playground, their apartment, beach and any other setting Kevin could think of that gave “domestic vibes”.  

Kissing Kevin’s face in the picture, Cathy put it back on the nightstand. Her eyes glistened again. Her lips quivered and she fought her breath. All of their memories from school to university, flooded her mind, leaving her in an emotional frenzy. 

Shaking her head, she got up. A cold shower would help to calm her down. 

---

Cathy switched on the coffee machine and put some bread in the toaster. Sundays were when she could relax, take it slow and enjoy little moments with Kevin.

She sighed. Mom was right. I am still caught up in the loop. But moving on was the hardest task she had ever had to do in her whole life. And to be honest, Kevin had been the majority of her life.

Cathy filled her Mickey Mouse mug with coffee and set a corner of the kitchen top for the small breakfast. She paused right before pulling two plates from the trolley. Kevin would not be here for breakfast. Ever again.

Her breath shortened. She could feel tiny beads of nervous sweat building on her forehead. She gulped down a sob that suddenly wanted to come out. 

Cathy placed her hands on the countertop and steadied herself. She took deep, long breaths and counted five things she could see immediately; four things she could touch; three things she could hear. 

She felt her pulse getting back to normal. The alternate hot and cold flushes reduced. Cautiously, she took the seat by the kitchen top. She inhaled the mixed smell of toast and coffee. Took a tiny sip and let it feel as it went down.

---

The bedroom floor was cluttered with cardboard boxes of different sizes. Each cardboard box carried items categorized by nature, function and size. Photo-frames, books, clothes, office files, glassware and so on.

Cathy hopped around the boxes, putting things in them, as she cleared out sections of wardrobe, nightstand and other furniture. After tidying up the bedroom, she would take care of the living room. That was the plan and she was determined to stick to it.

This mission was an impromptu one. Decided on a whim, a sudden upsurge of hope for stability. She had yet to decide what to do with the items she was packing. Should she return it to Kevin’s family? Would they understand? 

Cathy lifted a pink stuffed owl from one of the drawers. She traced its outline, features, slowly. It was still so soft; as if they had bought it yesterday. Kevin had insisted upon getting it for her; said that the owl looked exactly like her – cute and cozy. 

Perhaps there was a deeper meaning though. She suspected that Kevin had bought it because it was a symbol of positivity, prosperity and success. He had been superstitious sometimes. 

She put the owl back in its place. If Kevin thought she should keep it with her, then be it.

---

“Thank you so much for the donation. I cannot stress enough how much it means to the children here”, Mrs. Dean said, taking Cathy’s hands in hers.

“Believe me Mrs. Dean, it’s my pleasure. I am glad that I could be of some help to the kids.”

“Would you like to see them perhaps?”, the manager asked hopefully.

Cathy hesitated. “I think it would be better if I don’t. I am afraid of getting too involved with them”, she said apologetically. 

Mrs. Dean smiled thinly. “I understand, Ms. Wilson. Still, thank you for thinking of us. I wish you the best for your future.”

Cathy squeezed Mrs. Dean’s hands and got up. She got out of the gate of ‘Sunshine Orphanage’ and trudged towards her car. 

It had been the most difficult decision of her life – donating Kevin’s personal things. But it had to be done. Kevin would have loved to help the kids there. He had often talked about how they should donate either money or some gifts to these kids every once in a while.

Cathy stepped inside the car and closed the door. There was a small photograph on the dashboard. She did not have the heart to keep it away. 

The conversation with Kevin’s mother had opened her eyes. They had talked at length about him, their respective relationships and how both the ladies had a hard time moving on. 

“When love becomes a source of pain and agony rather than happiness and peace; it’s time to let it go”, she had said. 

So, Cathy was letting it go. Maybe not completely. But at least she was trying.